11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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