Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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