Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
