Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
