This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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