Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
