I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
