Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So vagazzling was a success
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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