Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You're a waste of cheezeits
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
