Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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