hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
