Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
