I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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