Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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