I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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