I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
