I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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