yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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