i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
