One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
