her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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