Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
