This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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