I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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