There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize