the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
