did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just high enough for therapy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
