Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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