Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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