Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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