The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
