Can Purell be used as lube?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
