If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
