3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
