I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
