let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
