This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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