i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
