You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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