Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
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