We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So drunk its hurt
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
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He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize