Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
