She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
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I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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