All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
