Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
