i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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