I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Verdict: uncircumcised.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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