Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Where did you get a picture of my penis
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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