omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
