I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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