Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
the raccoons are back...
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