i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
