I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
