I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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