About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
