He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
