i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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