i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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