Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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