Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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