You smell like stripper and shame
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am naked and annoyed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
