I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
