I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
