So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have aggressive nipples.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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