I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No subtext here. People are naked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
