Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
