I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
