Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
