I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
