i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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