Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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