You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
