my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
