I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
