you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
