new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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