so that wasnt chicken after all
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
