I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
