Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
