I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
