I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
