So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
