You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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