So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just found a bag of teeth...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
