sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
